Hi...thanks for stopping by. What can I do for you? Tell you something about myself? Are you nuts? This is the internet! I don't even know you. What? Okay, if you promise not to stalk me...
I guess since you managed to type it into the address bar you already know my name is Austin Bires, but what you probably didn't know is that being a stand-up comic is one of my biggest dreams. It always has been, as far back as I can remember. When I was young, I used to love sneaking out of my room to watch The Tonight Show, and Saturday Night Live. I had to be careful not to laugh out loud, or else I would be banished back to my bedroom, where I would have to satisfy my comedy craving by rereading my worn out copies of Mad Magazine. I would look forward to the following week at school, when I could reenact the sketches I saw for all my buddies, and revel in the laughter I got in return. I have long admired the improv aspect of comedy, and have always dreamed of touring the country with a stand-up routine of my own. To make a long story short, the time is nigh, so off I go; hell bent on becoming broke and destitute in the fruitless attempt to garner a few cheap laughs from a crowd of folks who don't even know my name. Anyone want to buy a BMW? I'm sure I know where you'll soon be able to pick up a little gray roadster for pretty cheap. Thanks for dropping in and taking the time to read a little about me. Hopefully I'll be seeing you soon at your local comedy club!